Who could not have survived the apocalyptic faux-nale of legacy?

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If Thursday’s Legacies felt like a season finale, there’s a good reason for it – it was meant to be one.(You know, before the whole coronavirus shutdown thing.) And it sure had all the merits of a finale, from the gang’s final showdown with the necromancer to the arrival of a zombie kite with checks? Hoo boy let’s dive in.

The episode started quite harmlessly when Hope and Landon celebrated their “one year” anniversary over breakfast in bed. Hope indicated that she had something “special” (aka sex) in mind for her big day, and Landon made it clear that he lives in a “constant state of readiness” for such activity. Meanwhile, a very different couple made a very different kind of bond when Alyssa revealed her plans for MG. He wasn’t thrilled to hear that the Triad’s spell would eventually kill him, but was even less thrilled to hear that the necromancer would then revive him with a few “tweaks”. Alyssa, whose final form is apparently an original lifelong movie character, stated that Zombie MG would love her “as if you should have the first time”. (Yikes!)

Fortunately, Lizzie – who appears to have reached 180 total in terms of her feelings for MG – went out of her way to save him. And I mean, she asked Josie for help. Despite her recent magical hiccups, Josie agreed to get in touch and help her sister … help her friend. Basically, when it’s all over, many people will owe many other people favors.

This week’s episode also gave us the father-son reunion of Landon’s nightmares, with Malivore physically manifesting in all of its muddy, hollow-eyed glory. The once fearsome golem is now one of the necromancer’s mindless slaves (“We need to work on this bow. Less head, more knees!”), Which made it especially easy for Landon to get him not to eat. Since Malivore created it as a ship, Landon suggested that his father use it to defeat their common enemy.

If you can believe it, it went insane here: just as Lando-vore was about to eat the necromancer – we’re talking about a situation where there is no jaw left – his meal was interrupted by the above-mentioned zombie kite, the beautiful Sack of meat burned crispy. And just to add insult to injury, his physical form dissolved into dust when Hope entered the scene. But this amazing fight was not over yet. While Hope acknowledged that she couldn’t kill the necromancer, she proved that she could at least cut off his head. This badass not only silenced the necromancer for good, but also revived Landon for some reason. In all honesty, I haven’t been so confused about the action on a soccer field since … well, Riverdale last night.

Another twist at this moment! Hope, Landon and all the risen monsters have been sent to a new prison world thanks to a connecting spell from Alyssa and the Saltzman twins. (In this case, the Power of Three didn’t free anyone. Make a figure!) After Landon and Hope literally knocked the necromancer’s head out of the football stadium, they made tracks for the Malivore Pit. She suspected that the pit would expel her poisonous tribrid blood and ideally spit them both out in their real world. And in the typical Hope / Landon way, the two even found time for romance and remained bonded as they sank into the pit. The whole thing would have been kind of hot … if, technically, the creeps hadn’t been Landon’s father.

Hope’s plan not only worked like a coarse spell, but since none of her friends was in sight, she and Landon could finally get down to business. “I only have a conceptual understanding of what we’re going to do,” he warned her, “so I’ll probably be terrible at it.” But like so many teenagers before them in Mystic Falls, Hope and Landon persevered and made love on the floor of a filthy crypt.

But because these characters can only get so lucky before another obstacle is thrown in their path, Landon and Hope’s pillow talk was cut short when he suddenly started coughing Malivore Goo before disappearing completely. All in all, not a great day for either of them. Fortunately, we don’t have to wait a whole summer for this ooey-gooey cliffhanger to resolve. Check out the promo for next week’s faux premiere:

Also worth a discussion …

* Josie gives up the magic and moves to Mystic Falls High School, which makes a lot of sense after her chat with Jade last week. Not to mention, I was starting to wonder how new series regular Leo Howard would flow into the show. (And while we’re talking about Ethan, he’s clearly flirted with Josie this week … but are we seeing this going somewhere?)

* Ethan’s mother also had a busy week helping Alaric defeat the Malivore monsters. She even seemed to be enjoying herself (“I can’t believe I’m drinking at Hogwarts!”) So much that Alaric decided not to push her memory away. That’s right, Sheriff Mac is officially part of the Super Squad.

* I’m not surprised that Lizzie saw MG and Alyssa kissing – this is The CW, after all – but I was pleasantly surprised at how mature she was with it. “I always thought he would be there waiting for me to be fine,” she said to Josie. “I’m glad he’s fine too.” D’aww.

Your thoughts on what the Legacies season two finale should have been? Drop them in a comment below.

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